StUdiO De JDC

Summer 2012 goals

• read
• learn how to swim
• meditate
• exercise regularly
• watch some more Bollywood films
• take pictures
• write poems
• get my resume in the hands/eyesight of someone who can boost my creative/professional mojo and help some money flow my way
• summer lovin’ (Ok, that’s more of an “I’ll accept it if the right situation comes my way” thing. I can’t plan that, but I can be receptive to it.)
• have fun! have fun! have fun!

First time I heard the rap break in “Right By My Side” I was driving around downtown w/ Justin who had the Roman Reloaded album playing from his phone that was hooked into my aux jack. When the beat dropped around 3:00 my brain was like “WHAT?!? For serious?? SO DOPE!” Helped that the bass was set high on my speakers. And he was like “I know! She just like featured on her own song!” The laid back first section of the rap, the hard beat drop, her delivery, the picture painted (“Don’t let me get in my truck…” I SEE that sequence being played through in my head!)… the rap break is my favorite part of that song. Ugh. So good.

Oh, and Mr. Nasir Jones in the video? YES please!

lessons from rubber bands

We were rolling newspapers today at work (something we only do once a week), and I looked down at the pile of coiled up green rubber bands, these little frosting decoration-esque curls. And I thought there was something beautiful there, something artistic. But I wasn’t sure what or how to say it. So a piece of me thought, “Maybe it’s not then.” I sometimes trap myself in trying to justify or explain what I see in ways that impress - as if it’s not real or so magical if I can’t. But maybe that’s where the reality and the magic lie - in dropping the notion that it has to be justified or explained in some grand manner that makes people say “Oh look how magnificent she is at explaining!” I should be secondary. It should be “Look at what a stunning picture/moment/experience she has brought us into!” and maybe later (a split second, days, weeks, never) they think “And how wonderful she was at sharing that with us! She got us to marvel in rubber bands!” But then again the sharing and relationship between storyteller and audience is part of the art of living, so…

I was watching the beginning of a talk between 3 theatre directors, and the host asked them if they try to thrill others/the audience. One said (and the others agreed) you can only thrill yourself and you have to have the audacity to say what delights you will delight others. While you have to listen to the audience (and with the audience in mind) you can’t second guess yourself. You have to trust yourself and the resources with which you are working. I think they’re right. I feel most in tune with my mojo in creative endeavors (which can be as simple as daily living and conversation) when I’m not constantly going behind myself with “Is this right? Can I do this? Will other people like this?” When I just allow it to flow and give myself the environment of trust, it works so much better.

Sometimes I don’t like something. Or I have difficulty finding a connection to it. Or I disagree with it. And I’m hesitant to state it because I see how it can turn into something mean-spirited or indifferent to someone else’s experience. Sometimes I catch myself after the fact and reel it back in. How many times have I seen someone take the position that someone of a different political belief, religious belief, tastes, or thought or background was evil, a moron, something less than human, etc.? Too many.

A poem hot off the presses. Which is to say “written in my notebook today.” About something that happened over a year ago.

A Departure

He sent me a message:

“You’re so damn beautiful!”

I smiled

and did not trust for a second

that he knew the reality of his four words

as we’d only just met 2,000 miles ago.

He would stay there

and I’d be back up in the air

with 260 miles to go.